Flashbacks
by Justtryintowritethisfeeling
Summary: A Perryshmirtz story I wrote, and also my first fanfic. Doof is having flashbacks late at night. Mentions of abusive childhood. Perry is the hero, yet again because, well, that's just what he does. (And I wrote in second person because why not?) Rated M for mentions of domestic violence.


It's late again. And you're still up. Of course you are, you don't sleep anymore do you? It wasn't a particularly bad day. In fact it was kinda good. Well good in the sense that you didn't injure anything when the latest -inator blew up. Actually you haven't injured anything in a while now and it's strange. But that's a lot to think about and it's complicated and you don't want to unpack it, not now, not at night and it's late and for some reason you can't sleep when it hits you. You remember why. Why you never sleep around this time of year. Today is the anniversary of the first day your father made you… he made you dress as a lawn gnome and… and stand out in the cold and… and you were terrified, and you couldn't sleep for days afterward because every time you closed your eyes his screaming face launched out at you haunting your every night, dream and nightmare alike. You can see him now in fact, vividly. His leering face forcing you to stand up straight while Rodger, while Rodger, no. No. You will not, you can not think about that now. It is NOT the right time because it's dark and you're in bed in your pajamas and more vulnerable than you ever are in your waking hours. And you finally admit to yourself that you need someone right now. You need someone's help- especially someone who was built to help you. You call out Norm's name and hear it echo through the halls, but there is no reply. Thank God Vanessa is at her Mother's this weekend, you think as you let out another cry. Then you remember. Norm needed repairs so you shut him down. But now you're alone in the big dark empty apartment in this dark room with your memories. All the memories. No one is coming to rescue you tonight.

'No,' you whimper 'please no.' but the flashback has already started, the one that is the precursor to every night you've had for a long time, your father's voice in your head, with your mother's scorn, yelling at you. And why shouldn't they? You're a failure, you're useless, you can't do anything, you never have, and you never will. You've failed everyone, over and over again, and you always manage to be the burden, to be the hurt. You bring the pain. And here it comes now, deep in the flashback that almost seems real, the whip that has cut into you countless times at your father's hand each time you failed, with it's sharp serrated edge, the memory coming to life so vividly you do the same thing you did when you first saw it, and as the liquid pools under you from your pants, in the bed you're helpless to do anything. Tears pour down you face as you whimper again and again, old scars stretching in pain, when with a start, the door to your bedroom bangs open. 'He's here.' wails your hallucinating mind. 'He's come to finish me off.' But it's not your father who enters the room. Not that you notice, you're still petrified, frozen to the sheets, tongue dripping blood where you bit it. So it is with confusion that you feel the tiny paw enter your hair, brushing the mess of it away from your dripping face. It is a paw with such human likeness it could only belong to one person you know so well. And so it is that with gentle brushing in sideways strokes, that you come back from the memories, come back to the fuzzy paw. The whip, and the pain it brings with it begin to fade as you lay for several minutes in this brief sanctuary. But suddenly you come to and it is with a start that you wake up completely and realize that Perry the Platypus is stroking your hair as you sob in a bed filled with your piss, your shame, and your failure. Your first thought is that of absolute panic. You are a mess, physically and mentally and this is already looking bad for you. What if now he thinks you're pathetic? What if he decides you're not worth fighting anymore? What if he finds- gasp- another nemesis? He's the best thing that has happened to you in a long time, probably since Vanessa was born. You can't lose him. You just can't. Thoughts of that potential run more tears out of your worn out eyes, but it doesn't matter, because you're already up, pushing him into the kitchen, and asking if he wants anything to drink, before you can even think about it, your face possibly the darkest shade of red it's ever been and the skin between your legs cold from the liquid catching air.

"It's- it's not what it looks like Perry the Platypus I.. I…"

But he stops you. Apparently the humiliation is not over. You need to protest. You need to fix this. You need to be calm and in control, before you realize it's too late and he's leading you into the spare room and sitting you there, on the already made bed. He motions for you to wait, which is almost easy considering all of the other things you've been through tonight. And before you even have time to get terrified again he's back, with a spare set of pajama pants and boxers- how does he even know where you keep those…?- and leads you into the bathroom. He motions to the shower, the sink, and the spare clothes. He's giving you time to collect yourself, you realize. And with that, he's gone, leaving you alone in the bathroom to puzzle over what is going on.

Numbly, you step out of the shower, mind still unable to properly make sense of anything that's happened tonight. 'You're pathetic.' whispers that voice, 'You seriously need an animal to help you? You're even weaker than I thought!' You know it's right, and Perry shouldn't have to be here, he shouldn't have to help you, you're not even worth helping like the burden you are and- mind made up you decide. You have to get him to leave. You step out of the bathroom, back into the bedroom.

"Perry the platypus I'm sorry I did this to you and I… I… you don't have to be here. I'm sor"- but before you can even finish the sentence the tears are back, cornering in your eyes. God you are pathetic, can't even get through a sentence without breaking down.

"Perry I don't deserve you." (Where did that come from?) "You don't have to be here, you can…"

"Krrrt" he cuts you off with that little noise he makes, the one usually cute and full of love but now so firm, so decisive that you know, you _know, _he's not going anywhere. He points to the bed, one commanding little furry finger You can't help but obey. But you're still scared. No scared isn't the right word, petrified is more like it, frozen in mortal terror. You can't sleep. You won't. You don't want to see _his _face again. But Perry is patient. Carefully, he takes your hand and leads you, slowly, over to the bed. He sits, and pulls you down to lay next to him. At the last second though, he pushes you off balance so when you fall over, your head rests on his lap. In his _lap. _And if you weren't so exhausted, you would.. you would… well actually it's kind of nice. It's relaxing. That is until he starts stroking your hair, brushing it out of your eyes and you tense up. But you relax almost just as quickly, muscles loosening with every brush stroke. No one has ever touched you like this. No one has ever cared enough like this to… you're getting tired. You realize with a start. Maybe you will sleep tonight after all. But Perry's not done yet. He shifts, so you're laying on the pillow, but his hand weaves its way through yours, so he's laying right next to you, hand in hand. And suddenly you're crying again because it's so cute and so unexpected and maybe, you think, maybe someone actually _cares _about you. Maybe _Perry _actually cares about you. Perry seemed ready for the tears, casually brushing them off your face, as if he's done it a thousand times. His slight murmur is comforting even though you can't understand the words, but they almost seem to mean something like a foreign concept to you. Could it be that Perry… loved you? And no sooner had that question crossed your mind then Perry placed a light kiss across your cheek. And that single gesture, so full of love and care, sent the final wave of relaxation through your body and you drifted off to sleep. And for the first time in a long time, your sleep was peaceful.


End file.
